Thoughts from my Walk

I think that people who are depressed should have the title of adulthood revoked from them for a little while. I feel like I'm fighting reverting back to a childlike state sometimes, except I was more responsible than this as a child. Thankfully there are people here to help me and help bail me out of my messes.
My biggest problem is in my head, and that is the most frustrating part about this. Great, it's in my head, I have control of it! That makes it all the worse that I don't. I've taken and keep taking all the steps I can to control it, don't get me wrong. But today it took me an hour to get out of bed and get a bowl of cereal. An hour! And this isn't unusual.
At least I feel as if I have more mental energy today, which is good, because the majority of it is devoted to studying. When I woke up my head felt raw, in a good way, as if it was trying to switch channels.
I think I would feel a lot happier if I could garden. If I could just create a whole bunch of minature beauties. Drawing them is not the same, as it creates a picture that you have absolute control over that's static by definition.
I hate posts like this when I look back. I think the world is not kind to weakness, and it sort of feels as if it might eat me alive later for showing some in a public place. But, I do like blogging, the one form of diary-keeping I have been successful with keeping up with.

Edit: I was flipping through a book yesterday about depression in which the author describes the paralysis of one girl to the point of not being able to arrange figures in a box. He described it as scary, but I identified 100%. He then went on to describe times when tasks are not below a person's skill level, but the person fails to do them anyway because of the depression.

I am feeling better right now, but I've felt *better* at other times. I can't wait until this rollercoaster ride is fully complete.