Self-Referential

This happens to me all the time, except that it's usually what I'm thinking and I don't eat giraffes. From xkcd.

Thoughts on Star Trek:
1.)I like that after any of the characters have an outburst, they apologize
2.)Apparently being in space for so long has made the crew and captain susceptible to any pretty female who is not in charge of the ship's communications.
3.)Those are really short skirts. The crew is lucky that gusts of wind don't exist on the ship.

This article on memory strengthens the theory of memory connections I mentioned before. There is probably a more eloquent way to phrase the previous sentence.

This article from Jezebel about the abuses of the fashion industry, where young girls are powerlessly in the hands of much older and more experienced men, and citing the prevalence of rape in our society, is devastating and something I would definitely recommend checking out.

Another article discusses the true perils and motivations for mothers who adopt from Africa vrs celebrities like Madonna. It also elaborates on a sentence that I posted yesterday: "I don't think that all people from third-world countries are broken or something similar". There is a difference between feeling empathy for others and portraying them as simple, lower beings needing our mercy. People were whole, complete beings long before electricity was harnessed; I just don't think it's fair that somebody's relative or child could potentially die of the flu or something similar. I could write a lot on this topic, clarifying and clarifying, even putting in my own personal experiences, but I will leave it here for now.

Muhahaha, my picture is the first, second, and third result for my full name on Google. On one hand I want this blog to be the first result, but on the other I have an unusual enough name that it probably would not be hard to find out a lot of details about me, especially since I have mentioned the general area where I live. Perhaps when I need to be hired I will make the switch, as I know potential employers look for web presence. I have deliberately not promoted this blog up to this time.

It's interesting that the first hits for "SchizotypalVamp" are ones which I barely use. I don't particularly comment on io9 or Jezebel. I haven't used Library Thing since I was fifteen or sixteen. My original idea was that a searchable database for our collection would be ideal so that we could confirm if we had a book or not before buying it, since we did accidentally get a few books twice. One hundred and twenty-two books later I realized that if I continued I would never get a chance to actually read anything since there remained many more still to be listed. I have posted once on Twitter. I haven't visited The Planted Tank/Frank's Aquarium/MFK in forever. I haven't used my Flickr in a long time, either. But it's nice that my pseudonym retains exclusivity in a Google search.

Frosty posted about Vermicomposting in her apartment earlier today. My attempts to create a compost pile at home fizzled, and it's always something I wished I could do. There was the slight issue in my last home that my parents would string me up as a warning to other messy daughters. However, looking at the composting bins in the pictures of this article, I could always get a box and put it outside. Heck, I could even pretend it was a table, a table my mom would never, ever sit at.
Now when I mentioned getting more plants to my mom, her answer summarized to "you better not make it any more difficult to move out", a sucky but valid point. However, I live right by a university. If making a few calls does not help, I can always dump the fertilizer in the random nature park.

"Why did you bring a large plastic bag on the bus?"
"Uh...no reason"

I'll figure it out. Meanwhile, I believe they sell earthworms at Petsmart. I'm off to go get myself in trouble. Also some pizza.

This is SO COOL

Untruth in Advertising

Pictured
is a sugar
glider.
Source

This is
a pet I
really want.
Howev-
er, they
are illegal to
own in
Califor-
nia.



I despise modern advertising. I believe the notion and acceptance that exaggeration and lies are commonplace within marketing becoming mainstream does more of a disservice to our culture than we realize. It is impossible to do research on everything. How many of us have looked up the most environmentally friendly paper towel or dishwashing liquid? Billions are spent every year based almost solely on marketing and sales prices. Human eyes are naturally drawn to more artistic trappings and when fast music is played adrenaline automatically swims through our bodies, perhaps creating the same response when the product is seen in stores. To sever these connections is, in fact, harmful, but we must constantly monitor our unconscious reactions to product placement, jingles, and a thousand other things. Even through all of this I notice my eyes being drawn to more interesting packaging or the words "environmentally friendly!"(which a product may not be) at Ralph's. Also, more sinisterly, though I don't believe this is actually the goal of any company, a well-educated and discerning population is not favorable to sales.

Speaking of environmentally friendly products, I did a search for "environmentally friendly paper towel" and found the Skoy. Here are some quotes from the web page:

"SKOY cloth is a chlorine-free product using water-based colors and inks. After an independent composting test, SKOY cloth broke down completely within 5 weeks."

"The SKOY cloth is a durable product due to the reusability factor and can last months. Using a SKOY cloth is equivalent to using 15 rolls of paper towels in an average home. "

"The SKOY cloth is long-lasting because of the wash ability feature. It dries quickly, so it is not a breeding ground for bacteria. Have you ever used your sponge, then smelled your hand and it reeked of horrible bacteria? That will never happen again if you microwave your SKOY cloth regularly. It is also dishwasher and washer/dryer safe. "

"We are two stay-at-home moms living in Encinitas, California. Our children have begun Elementary school and we have a little extra time. We decided that this would be the perfect time to start our business.

We have been working and researching for almost a year on our product."

"The idea originated when Michelle was living in Europe in the late 90’s. She discovered a product that was similar to the SKOY cloth and it was just amazing. Over time she found the cloth to be indispensible. When she moved back to the US, she realized that the use of a sponge was inadequate and the excessive use of paper towels, wasteful. Michelle searched and searched for a similar cloth and nothing even compared; nothing was of the same caliber. This is when Michelle introduced the cloth to Karen. She immediately fell in love with it and could not imagine cleaning with anything else.’

We then put our heads together and discussed a way to bring this product to the US with the requirement that it meet our high standard. Now we are so excited to be able to offer the SKOY cloth to you—which is everything that we had hoped it would be."

There are two problems I have with this website. One is that it is unclear whether the women are creating the product or importing it from abroad. If they are creating it, neither of their education levels or qualifications are mentioned. Of course, one does not need a degree to be smart or do intensive research, but if they can do it, so can I, though I don't have the one resource they claimed was available- a little bit of extra free time. I wonder if it would be possible to order the product and then do extensive testing on it?
I forgot the second problem. Maybe I will remember later.

Origins

My family has a fascinating history. My great-grandmother was Middle Eastern; I can't remember what part of India my great-grandfather was from. It was these two who made the trip to Trinidad, then a British colony, following the promise of land and a better life. Why, and their original families, remains lost in history.
My father was born to a then-well-off family in Guyana. I don't know how or when his family ended up in the South American country. His dad never discussed this subject with him and so it remains a mystery to me.
Due to the various migrations and England's love of collecting colonies at the time I ended up with Indian, British, Caribbean, and Middle Eastern elements in my upbringing in addition to my Americanization. For some people, family history defines their identities, but for me it reinforced that the person I could be included a smorgasbord of people. In a way, my background is also painful because it gives a glimpse of how hard it is to truly understand and grasp the intricacies of another culture from outside of it, though I certainly try.
I also ended up with a American, Caribbean, and slight British accent.

Whenever people ask where I am from I feel obligated to give a small summary of these events which seem to pass over many individual's heads and summarize to "she's Indian". I'm not close to my Indian heritage, though I've read many sacred texts of cultures for unrelated reasons and can understand elements of the culture because of how it affected and has been passed on by my family. I don't know how to wrap a sari and neither of my parents are Hindu or Muslim, though being Hindu or Muslim as a religious identity is different from the cultural identity Indian; people seem to mix those up.

Throughout human history there seems to be a period of stratification into a king, nobles, craftsmen and artisans, and peasants in cultures which "advance" into civilization. Does this innately make sense to the human mind or is it simply the result of political pressures and a certain group of migratory humans? In this day and age we could say that Democracy innately makes sense to the human mind, but that would be ignoring the power struggles and history which led to this government gaining a foothold in world history. If other turns of events had taken place communism could be in its stead. Saying that a group of disparate humans developed this form of government would be negating the large influence of the Indo-European migration; much of what happened before that time is lost in prehistory. I, as probably you, can think of several logical reasons why this stratification makes sense, but that could be enculturation more than logic.
This argument is more of a devil's advocate position than anything I have developed into a thesis.

Ouch, Year One is getting panned on RT. So far it has a rating of 18%, extremely disappointing considering Jack Black, Micheal Cera, and David Cross are involved.

I Used to Love Nancy Drew(and own all the Books)(Edit 7:38pm)

I apologize for all of the spelling errors in yesterday's post.

In more interesting news, there may be a new personality disorder classification soon: post-traumatic embitterment disorder, affecting almost all anti-heroes since 1895. Another thing which makes me upset is the glorification of mental illnesses.

Today is the fortieth anniversary of "Sesame Street". Scrolling down through all the clips in the link, I felt a disconnect. I barely watched television as a child, and though later I watched such classics* as "Sabrina the Teenage Witch", "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air", and "Sister-Sister"(my mom loved "Friends) my time was spent mostly reading books. I never knew the cultural references which the other middle-class kids kept making. Now, after a long period of socialization into pop culture, I can spout out many more references, although I can't say I am a better person for it. I've always been someone who valued critical thinking over name-dropping pseudo-intellectualism, though that is another topic entirely. This reminds me of the time when Ilya and I were watching "The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny" in the lab and he didn't know who Mr. Rogers was. I acted shocked, but shouldn't have-this is the exact same thing which I went through again and again. Generally I would consider myself sensitive to these sorts of things, but in this case I failed spectacularly. I wonder if I should apologize to him? How would you phrase that? "Hey Ilya. I'm not crazy, I swear!...."

*Sarcasm Alert!

Also, could people stop conducting studies on a few individuals who are socialized the same way and pretend to scientifically confirm gender stereotypes?

You know what would be a good invention? A computer screen that emits the spectrum of sunlight.

Beached

My day started at 3:13am this morning when my mom and dad brought Snuggles home from the vet. Apparently his tests came back with normal results, and the cause of his illness was speculated to be either his teeth or a hairball. One of his teeth needs to be pulled and he, as we suspected, has cataracts. Both of these will be attended to by the regular vet on Tuesday or Weds. The emergency vet gave him a solution of electrolytes and stressed that he needed to eat every day for now, but once he was healthy again he had to go on a program of diet and fitness to reduce his weight. The message has finally gotten through to my mom, and I look forward to a new, healthier Snuggles.

I then had a dream about Chris and I trying to get back together and how miserably the attempt failed.

After watching the kittens prance and pounce in the backyard and petting Snuggles goodbye, we headed off to San Diego. Mom kept going over how mellow Snuggles had been at the vet last night. They also were talking about how proud they were of what Christopher has been accomplishing, and, when they thought I was asleep, me. At Petsmart there was a large black cat named Snuggles who looked and acted a bit like him. Dad half-seriously suggested that we take him home.

After they left I browsed the internet for a few minutes and then started out for Black's Beach(Torrey Pines). Andy had invited me to bbq-and-ultimate-frisbee-get-together-thing. The directions I got were shoddy, however, and I ended up getting off the bus early against my better judgment. This was my first time at Black's that didn't involve someone else driving me.

Crazy screaming lady is back again. I can hear her rattling cans.

After getting off the bus I started stubbornly walking in the direction I thought the beach was in. In my olden days I would not have had the gall to simply wander in a direction without giving up and going home. Literature champions large decisions which "show your true character"; less popular are all the little choices showing how your character interacts with everyday life in situations which might seem much bigger than they are when they are taking place. I ended up going through the Salk Institute and witnessing a silent panoramic view by myself in a rare moment of peace. After reaching the site where the handgliders launch , I finally got on the trail to Black's.

I didn't even know I had such a harrowing fear of heights until this one particular spot in the path which looked like a smooth downward curve with no handholds. Usually I throw dignity to the winds when hiking and, if necessary, start using both hands and feet. I started fearfully inching down, wondering if the traction of my sandals would hold me, when a couple came up behind me.
"Scared?" asked the man
"Yes."
"Join us!"
With their moral boost I did not slip and die, although not looking down helped a whole lot. We talked for a little while and I called Andy, who said that at this point I should keep walking south as I was probably on the wrong side of the beach. I was unconcerned, for while at that point I had walked about a mile I was on the beach and enjoying myself. Except for all the naked men-did I mention that Black's is a nudist beach? I saw more *insert your favorite name here* today than I ever wanted to in a lifetime. I figured that I would walk to the main entrance of Torrey Pines and take the bus from there if I couldn't find Andy at that point. And that's how I ended up taking a three-or-more mile stroll on the beach today, which probably added a few years to my lifespan. For part of the walk I was completely alone. There are so many thoughts seething in the water, though none probably as beautiful or as edifying as the clear waves themselves in the here and now. My thoughts wandered, and for a little while I struggled between holding on to the moments and living them. I'm terrified of the day that words will only bring back dying embers of past experiences, but I would rather have lived those fully than spend them remembering the details to write down. Everything from crabs to Chris; making all the little unconscious corners let go of him. They say that the death of a relationship is mourned like the death of a person. For me this was not true; it was a moment in time with both good and bad memories, all of which are over; we touched and then parted. With a person, the person is over, usually for no clear reason other than what we in our puniness can metaphysically attribute.

I had to climb a large rock to get to the other side of the beach. A stranger held my hand for a moment so that I wouldn't fall, though I navigated it surprisingly well on my own. My bag wasn't even there. I dislike handbags, as they feel like a sexist weight which hampers physical activity and fitness. I can't just keep my wallet, keys, and phone in my pants or they would fall down. Speaking of which, this entire time I was wearing shorts and a thin t-shirt over my swimsuit and not freezing to death. I once read that symbolically cold is attributed to individualism, climbing a mountain. Perhaps minute adjustments have been made in my constitution because of my mental state. I personified nature and wondered if the colors and shapes of the cliffs had some deeper, hidden meaning.

Anyways, there is too much to write. I got on the bus and came home with sandy feet, although physical limitations took over and I became numb while walking to my apartment. There will be more opportunities to go out and meet new people(at least I hope), and I had a great Memorial day.

People

I remember a conversation I had when I was sixteen.
"I hate people", I typed in my instant messenger window.
"So are you a misanthrope?" asked Chris, who was just getting to know me at the time.
"No......"
The conversation went on from there, although I don't remember the rest of my reply. It basically stated that I like individuals but dislike the way groups of people operate.

What? I went out with him for practically three years. Half or more of my current stories include him.

I love individuals. People from all walks of life have so many tales to share, new nuggets of information which I may never have heard in my circle. Whether we be blessed to see the intricacies of the human mind by never being able to objectively view it or are trapped in obvious but invisible boundaries, sharing things from our innermost minds is one of the most satisfying things I can do with another human being. Or, I am biologically programmed to feel that way.

I feel good, strangely over the breakup. Not completely over it, as one might expect, but as if some crucial point has been passed. In fact, I still felt really sick this morning, but this afternoon I feel very good.

So I am curious about something. Sunblock absorbs or scatters UVB and UVA, crucial and large components of sunlight. People who do not get exposure to sunlight risk developing SAD(Seasonal Affective Disorder, although I'm pretty sure they made up the acronym and found a name to fit it). Sunlight is also used by the body to metabolize vitamin D. So while we may be protecting our skin by applying sunblock, are we doing the rest of our body any favors? There are no studies on this that I can find. I mean, preventing direct DNA damage is, of course, important, but I'm curious. This would of course only apply to those who use sunblock religiously.

My spontaneous and casual writing has definitely improved because of this blog. Although, interestingly, when I look back on posts a week later I almost always find errors to correct, no matter how many times I review the initial post.

Subconciously

Something funny has happened. Heeheehee. The big frog is Trixie, who has been with me over a year. The smaller one is Tiny Frog, who is relatively new.

My mom has been calling me all day to tell me about the kittens, who have finally followed their mother out to eat solid food. There are five adorable fluffballs in our backyard.

I've been thinking about the subtle effects of association that can affect human beings. Jung, among various other people, wrote about this. It's no secret that we form associations between the senses and memories. We can even form connections of association between memories. I'm curious as to how these can be manipulated therapeutically. Rationally, connections can be broken or resisted, but forming these links is part of how the human psyche operates and it is exhausting to be continuously resisting memory. This is part of the reason people "feel like a change" after some dramatic event; they wish to disassociate past events from the current time period. I am sure there is literature on this subject which I am unaware of, but I think getting in touch with and calming that part of the mind directly would be of immense value to patients. I'm not going to get into manipulating the subconscious and symbols and all of that great stuff.

On a different note, the world's richest asshole, brought to you by Gawker.
"To be sure there's plenty of competition for that title, but we think Germany's Prince Marcus von Anhalt (above) has a pretty clear shot at it. Born Marcus Eberhardt in 1969, he started out as a butcher, went into the brothel business, did some time for tax evasion and human trafficking, then bought himself a title (from Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband): Prinz von Anhalt, Herzog zu Sachsen und Westfalen, Graf von Askanien. Now the SOB's latest stunt is driving around in this Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe covered in a Louis Vuitton multicolored monogram print....."

Also, there is no way I can justify going to see "Flight of the Conchords", which makes me sad.

The I in the Me

Dev Patel and Frieda Pinto are dating in real life, which I personally find really awwwwwww. I wish them luck.

I was just attempting to mediate, because, like Yoga, I've only ever heard of the benefits of doings so, and the few times I seriously have attempted to it was a worthwhile experience. The problem is that the burning thought that appears in my mind when doing so is questioning the benefit of letting go of the "I". That "I", the most objective, rational part of myself, has in fact saved me on several occasions, has helped me make the best decisions, and overall has proved indispensable in my life. Maybe the universe can make better decisions for me? I don't know, but in the portion of my life that I spent without that part of myself I felt as though I was drowning in emotions and sensations. Perhaps if I spend more time meditating I can discover the meaning of this. Enlightenment, to me, is a paradox: joining with the universe and the ultimate discovery of the self.

It's sort of saddening that this type of talk is generally attributed to stoners and lost, trendy people nowadays.

I wonder how much of meditation is beneficial because of the thought processes involved, the physical processes involved, and the placebo affect involved.

Cheese and Pepper

I had a busy day today. My brother bought a new Chevrolet Malibu, which looks incredibly spiffy. My parents agreed to foot the down payment for it as long as he pays for the rest of the car himself. I had to drive to the dealership with my mom to make sure she didn't murder my dad and brother for making her meet them there. After we all got home I went to look at Gaiylee and the kittens one last time. Unfortunately, this time, the gray and white kitten, whom I had also seen earlier nursing(So. Cute. *head explodes*) tried to get away from Gaiylee and run down to me. Gaiylee forceably restrained him/her and then jumped down and snarled at me. My skirt was stuck on several thorns and since I had to untangle myself I had plenty of time to realize that she was nervous about what she was doing and that she liked me and didn't actually want to attack me. That was my parting meeting with them. Also, Gaiylee most likely moved the kittens because Snuggles marked his territory in front of the shed when he went out with my mother. Snuggles doesn't go by the rose garden, however, and comes when called.

We broke in the new car with the drive down to San Diego. Christopher has free Onstar and XM radio service for three weeks, so we listened to 80's pop music until I fell asleep. At that point my mom apparently changed the station to some sort of Christian or Country that I objected to as soon as I woke up. The 80's music reminded me of a certain someone who loves 80's music and how funny he would have thought it was when Amadeus came on. When we reached San Diego the calico kitten was gone, but we got to witness another tiny mother cat nursing her kitten. We also ate at BGs, where I sprinkled pepper into my broccoli and cheddar soup that tasted good enough to make it the title of this entry.

Then I got home to a faulty modem. After thirty minutes of tech support with accents ranging from Indian to Midwestern it was confirmed that my modem was, indeed, broken. Right now I'm stealing wireless from a suprisingly fast network. I just hope that nobody is downloading horse porn onto my computer.

When I was at home I spotted a tiny monkey peeking out of one of the Rubbermaid tubs that contains my stuffed animals and for some reason could not resist taking him back to San Diego even though he was never a toy I used to particularly play with. I will post a picture of him in my next entry, which will include an update on my aquarium. Will I ever throw out or give away my stuffed animals? No, and Chris and I already have a room in our imaginary house where we've put all of ours together to smile on shelves. With material things I don't really get attached to the fabric and wood themselves as the memories surrounding them. The objects act as an anchor for previous times, helping me to ground my past, and their disappearance is the first step for those memories fading. The objects themselves can also develop almost animistic personalities of their own in my eyes. The longer I keep something the less likely I am to let go of it, and the harder it is to get me to do so.

Yesterday Robinson Crusoe and the paper by Crick and Watson describing the double helix were published.

Today's Desirable Freecycle Entries:
Free Palm Pilot
Free 15'' CRT monitor
Free Queen Mattress
Free Spider Plants/Geranium plants
Free Worn Couch
Free small desk