Untitled

I was outside today, observing a pine tree by my apartment. The needles quivered in the wind with such grace that it was almost like watching music while the tree itself stood out like paint strokes in the dusk. There is as affective an algorithm for calculating this movement as there is for calculating the weather, even though there is an order to it. Cacophonous music.

I saw the sharp divide between the box painting of my apartment, lit up with warm CFLs through the door, and the outside world, the universe stretching outward and beyond. The divider being, of course, the roof.

Who is there to give me a gold start for my accomplishments? Some people would, in fact, denigrate me. There are no smiley faces in a world where we are taught to crave them. I want to rise above the world of smiley faces.

I finished watching the first season of "Pushing Daisies" today. It is a great show that displays creativity and talent, which is why they, of course, canceled it. As I put it back on my shelf I realized that I could finish "Orphans of the Storm" by myself, a movie Chris and I were forever meaning to watch together. And then it all came flooding onto me, that this really was my life, mine, and mine alone now, with no restrictions as to what to watch, with nobody to watch anything with me, with no priorities dictated by another person. And honestly, I'm scared, scared of messing it all up, but glad there is nobody else to blame in the end if I do.

I don't write everything down. Why would I?